A Slow Boat West

Dearests,

To the Hong Kong skyline 'tis difficult to bid farewell, but minutes ago I bid so and wait now the morn and a flight to Tokyo - by which, of course, I mean a flight to Pittsburgh, as all is one and the same after boarding at 9:20 the first of three connecting. I took this rainy morning with umbrella in hand at a Christian retreat center atop a mountain in the New Territories of Hong Kong, praying in a labyrinth over my last two months and months to come. It was a fitting and energizing way to both close my time here and open my return, as well as a vivid and poignant spot to finish my Old Testament reading and open the New. This evening I bussed to Repulse Bay and went nightswimming in a dark-clouded summer storm, again praying over my time, reciting scripture, and asking for more faith, love, and wisdom to guide my return.

I thought this evening to hold a night's vigil, as has been my custom before overseas flights, so to more quickly align my internal clock with that of yours, United States, but my eyes fail me now. Then to close, seven hours before a twenty-minute rail ride to the airport: Thank you so sincerely to those who supported me during my stay and continue to uplift me through prayer, and also very appreciatively to those who financed my work, placing a confidence and trust in me that so humbled me during final examinations week last May at college, to the point that I trembled beneath the blessing of your gracious support, thinking myself unfit for this task - as then I knew not where I would travel nor what I would do after that first week in Thailand! But all by grace has fared well and instructed me more than I could have foreseen.

I've to be quick. A slow boat west then I'm home. Until then, my love, and a part of Psalm 27 that an Alaskan comrade with whom I prayer journeyed through Vietnam and Laos bade me memorize:

'The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?
When evil-doers assail me to eat up my flesh, my adversaries and foes, it is they who will stumble and fall. Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will remain confident.

One thing I ask of the Lord, that this I may seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple...

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.'

For faith,
js

Sunday in Hong Kong

"Prudence: Do you not think sometimes of the country from whence you came?

Christian: Yes, but with much shame and detestation. 'Truly, if I had been mindful of that country from whence I came out, I might have had opportunity to have returned; but now I desire a better country, that is, an heavenly.'" (48 Pilgrim's Progress)

Lovers of mercy and grace,

It's now been a twice reoccuring trend for me to, when nearing an overseas flight home after months abroad, idolize and daydream of having a bed again, a change of clothes, the security of space I call my own, friends and family, a computer unlike this one on which I can type without nine middle-aged Asian birds looking over my shoulder and chirping on their cellphones, a bath, cereal, leisure. And last week, coming out of Cambodia and counting the days until home, I was swooned hard and seduced by thoughts like those listed above, so that I pictured each successive day upon my return filled with undeniable warmth and happiness - the English language, hugging people I know, real coffee, socks, a sense of belonging. I was lost in my daydreams!, and should have known better, as, when I returned two years ago after 10 months abroad, the tension of my expectations with the reality of home threw me for weeks into an awful mix-up.

But good comes out of loss, and God works all things good for those who profess his Son - even if they first write pithy blog entries about heartache coming from the loss of their phone in Cambodia! It was by grace two days ago that I was at first confronted and then uplifted by the thought that, until I daydream of heaven and life in my Lord's coming kingdom like I did so of home and seeing my friends and family again, all will inevitably come to a sigh, 'a chasing after the wind! meaningless, meaningless, meaningless.' And so while I yes long to be with you all in three days time, I've realigned what here I've called my daydreams to not manifest in the world - to not chase after the wind - but, by the yearning of my heart toward becoming Christlike, to take the God of Israel's kingdom as their backdrop.

My sister reminded me of as much just minutes ago:

"hey bro,

try not to get worked up about your phone

that's just satan working

it can be replaced.

see ya soon!

iloveyou

ash"

And I wish these typed words could outpour into you the joy that overcame me this morning in Hong Kong upon returning to church after Sundays away! Part of why I routed my flight home through Hong Kong was to return to a church located in a skyscraper on Hong Kong island called "The Vine," into which I was led two years ago after stumbling around mainland China for eight months. Two years ago, church at "The Vine" was my first English-speaking service after eight months of sitting in on Mandarin above-ground churches in mainland China. That Sunday morning sped my spirit, reviving it for the Spanish pilgrimage I then took up.

Yet all was even more this morning. I woke early and went to an Anglican service a short walk from my hostel, during which two of the songs that this summer I have continually woke to find singing in my head were sung - a special embrace, I think, from Him whom I love. I then quickly took the underground to make late service at "The Vine" - and I wish you all were there! I take refuge in worship, and, longing now for weeks to praise and be uplifted by a "corporate worship experience," the spirit-filled worship time at "The Vine" this morning was and will be reason, I think, to route every flight I take in the coming years through Hong Kong on a Sunday.

I've to run now, as soon my time on this computer will expire and the Asian birds behind me waiting for Internet I fear are plotting a coup. Until we meet next, perhaps my favorite two verses from a Psalm:

"Therefore let everyone who is godly

pray to you

while you may be found;

surely when the might waters rise,

they will not reach him.

You are my hiding place;

you will protect me from trouble

and surround me with songs of

deliverance." Psalm 32:6-7

Love,

js

Heavy-Hearted in Bangkok

Friends,

While I am defeated and downtrodden this morning in wake of ten heart-wrenching days in Cambodia, a weight in my stomach that pulls to be home, and the morning's discovery that I lost my cellphone in Khmer lands, God remains good, and I'm trying to affirm that now and not dwell on else. I arrived in Bangkok from Phnom Penh yesterday morning, and I fly to China within hours.

So much of Cambodia was a tremendous blessing to me, witnessing and facilitating the Lord's work, and yet I keep coming back to my last day in the country, when I bicycled to the Killing Fields and Tuol Sleng Prison of the Khmer Rouge. A Holocaust camp in the East: mass graves, horrors, the after-effect of Pol Pot's 1970s plot of genocide. My mind twists and turns around the motivations and deranged morality of those who killed, while my heart remains firm to remember that each skull not "once had" a soul but "now has" a soul.

I traveled most days with an adult Cambodian couple, their two daughters, and a microbiologist who has ministered in and out of China for the last 20 years. The five of them are all from my hometown. We scoped and considered opportunities to cultivate Godly growth in local areas over the next five years and distributed medicine to the ill and love to formerly enslaved teenage girls at a place called the Rapha House. I shared one morning what God is working in my life, pulling from, as usual, Luke 14: 25-27, Romans 12: 2, and 1 Thessolonians: 16-18. But most of my time was spent praying for the wisdom and leadership of the Cambodian man with whom I traveled as he shared daily the Gospel with his people, be they asking for money on the street or assigned to leadership positions within the Rapha House.

Both he and his wife escaped from the Khmer Rouge over the Thai border and fled to the US. Daily, as we drove to our work for the day, a sight of the land or people would cause them to tear-up with stories of their teenage flight from the Khmer Rouge. I'd listen.

I've yet no resolve or conclusion, no truths exacted from Cambodia and this heavy heart, except to continue in the Word and pray. I'm stalling my crusade through the Old Testament so to not start the New Testament until I land in the US. And reading John Piper's book, "Let the Nations Be Glad: The Supremacy of God in Missions", to be finished in two days so to start Bunyan's "Pilgrim's Progress" before boarding a plane to Pittsburgh.

Oh, friends, I'm down, but that will pass. It's no mood in which to write you, but tonight I'm away to China in route to Hong Kong, and I fear our correspodence from now until the 9th will, when occuring, be brief, and soon enough draw to an end, as my summer's stay in Asia draws to an end. As I told my Dad last night when we spoke, I've learned so much this summer that has repositioned Christianity for me as not just a doctrine to understand and behavior to follow, but an alive and real seeking of God's will and face.

"And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy and
to walk humbly with your God" (Micah 6:8)

To love mercy,
js